


Must Wash Hands

by UnsealingKale



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Bathrooms, Comedy, M/M, Restaurants, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 16:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnsealingKale/pseuds/UnsealingKale
Summary: Link never expected to get a response to the message he had written beneath the Employees Must Wash Hands sign in a barbecue restaurant’s bathroom.





	Must Wash Hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [its_mike_kapufty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_mike_kapufty/gifts).



> This fic is partially inspired by an actual written conversation I came across in a bathroom once. That conversation was obviously written by multiple people, not just two, and it was very different than the one that follows, but it was all about hand washing. It cracked me up. I actually took a photo, but I couldn’t find it today. Maybe if I ever go back to that doctor’s office, I’ll take another one to share here (if the writing is even still there). :)
> 
> This fic is also inspired by its_mike_kapufty’s fic, You have (1) new message. I mean, this is nothing like that except for the fact that Rhett and Link write back and forth before meeting, but it did give me the idea to do this. Please check out YH1NM if you haven’t already, because it is awesome!

Link sighed as he washed and dried his hands, one of the ubiquitous signs staring him in the face. The anger that swelled in his chest at the sight of it was completely irrational, and he knew it, but that didn’t make him feel any better. It was like the sign was taunting him. Without thinking, he reached into his pocket, fishing around for the pen he had shoved in there earlier. He uncapped it and went to work.

**Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work**

_Everyone must wash their hands after using the restroom._

Link stared at his work, feeling pleased with himself. That was better. He slid the pen back into his pocket and reached for a paper towel to use to open the door. 

He went back to his meal in peace, the sign quickly forgotten.

————

Rhett excused himself to use the restroom. He took care of business and then turned to wash his hands. The sign next to the sink caught his eye, and he laughed at the handwritten message below it.

What kind of loser went around writing stuff like that? Those signs were only there because the law said they had to be. He pictured a skinny man with braces and oversized glasses, walking around with a giant bottle of hand sanitizer held to his chest like it was his security blanket. He couldn’t help himself. He pulled a Sharpie out of his back pocket and scribbled beneath the neatly written words.

_No they don’t. You can’t make me._

He left the bathroom and went back to his table, still laughing at the fact that there was someone out there in the world who was so bothered by the thought of unwashed hands that he would write something like that in the bathroom at Skippy Joe’s Barbecue and More.

————

Link wiped his hands with the wet wipe his waitress had given him, but it wasn’t enough to get the sticky barbecue sauce off of his fingers. He stood up and made his way to the bathroom, careful not to get any sauce on the door handle as he pulled it open.

He soaped up his hands and ran them under warm water, giving them a good scrub. He dried his hands and was just about the leave when he noticed the note he had written the last time he was there. He was surprised that it was still there. He thought the workers would have scrubbed it off as soon as they had seen it. But no, there it was, clear as day. In fact, there was something else below it now, a few words written in black.

_No they don’t. You can’t make me._

Link stared at the words for a few seconds. The handwriting was messy, but the message was clear. Link frowned, disgusted by the reminder that there were people out there who never washed their hands. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his pen, finding himself compelled to write back.

_You’re gross, man. Think of the germs. Wash those nasty hands._

Satisfied with his response, he left the bathroom. He knew the man who had responded to his note would probably never see it, but it made him feel better to know that someone else might notice it and wash their hands because of his words.

————

Rhett just about fell to the floor when he went to the bathroom and saw the new words written on the wall. He hadn’t expected a response, but he was still pleased to see it. What could he say? He liked messing with people, and this particular nerd was an easy target. He was sure it was the same guy too, judging by the handwriting. It was probably really bothering him.

_Hey man, my hands aren’t nasty. They’re nice and soft. Besides, germs make your immune system stronger. Don’t you know anything?_

He capped his Sharpie and put it back in his pocket. His work here was done. He washed his hands and went back to his table.

————

Link couldn’t believe that the same man had written him back again, this time with a message about how soft his hands were. He wondered if that was true. Would a man who never washed his hands have soft hands? Maybe. They wouldn’t be dried out from harsh soaps anyway.

Link rolled his eyes at himself for thinking about such a thing as he pulled out his pen to reply. He didn’t feel like he had the option to ignore it anymore.

_Germs make you sick. Don’t you know anything? My hands are soft too, you know. I use lotion._

He nodded to himself as he walked out the door. His take-out order should be ready at any minute.

————

Rhett licked his lips as his mind suggested different things for him to write in response to the latest message from his nerd. The mention of lotion had him picturing the other man in bed, taking care of himself. Never mind that he sounded like a stick in the mud, and Rhett had no idea what he looked like. Rhett couldn’t help that he had a dirty mind, could he? 

_Lotion, huh? Do you wash your hands after you’re done with that too?_

It wasn’t as suggestive as he had wanted it to be, but he didn’t want to risk scaring his nerd off. It would probably go over his head as it was, if he really was an innocent nerd, but Rhett didn’t care. This was just too much fun.

————

Link hated to admit it, but he wasn’t really in the mood for barbecue. He’d rather have a nice burger somewhere. Still, the thought of checking to see if the man with unwashed hands had responded to his message made him turn into the parking lot at Skippy Joe’s.

He ordered a grilled chicken meal and then made a beeline for the bathroom, grinning. This was almost starting to feel like a game.

He read the new message twice, trying to make sense of it. Why would you wash your hands after using lotion? When it finally hit him, he choked on his spit, his whole body going warm with embarrassment.

He took deep breaths to calm himself as he dug around in his pocket for his pen. What in the world could he write in response to that?

_Of course I wash my hands after I touch my meat. Don’t you, or are you a dirty boy?_

Link didn’t think he had ever written anything so suggestive in his life. He was pretty sure he would have died on the spot if someone had walked in and found him writing on the wall. He put the pen back in his pocket with shaking hands and stumbled out the door.

————

Oh, so his little nerd wasn’t so innocent after all! Rhett found himself feeling strangely proud as he read the newest words on the wall, a deep laugh escaping his chest. He pulled out his Sharpie to write back.

_I’m as dirty as they come. Unwashed hands have never done me wrong._

It wasn’t as good as what his nerd had written, but Rhett didn’t care. He couldn’t wait until next week, when he’d come back yet again to see what the wall had to say.

As he left the bathroom, he bumped into a dark-haired man who was on his way in. “Sorry,” Rhett said, stepping aside to hold the door for him.

“Sorry. Oh, thanks,” the man replied.

“Hey, have you read the wall in there?” Rhett asked, tilting his head towards the sign and the written words underneath it. “It’s pretty funny.”

The other man’s eyes widened behind his glasses. “Oh, oh yeah. People will write on anything, won’t they?” He gave a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, they will. You have a good day.” Rhett let go of the door and walked back to his table. His stomach was growling and he was ready to eat.

————

Link rubbed his bad shoulder. A tall man had accidentally bumped into him on his way to the bathroom. It wasn’t serious and probably wouldn’t bruise, but it was still store. 

He wrinkled his nose at the new message on the wall. Did the guy ever wash his hands? Like, at all? Did he even shower?

Link needed a minute to think. What should he write back? Finally, he pulled out his pen. Curiosity got the best of him, and he wrote a simple message instead of something steamy. He hoped his wall buddy wouldn’t mind too much. 

_Do you take showers at least? I really need to know how dirty you are._

With a sigh, he turned to leave. He pushed open the door and came face-to-face with the man who had bumped into him earlier.

“Sorry, I left something in there. Excuse me,” the man said.

Link stepped aside and went back to his table to finish his meal. He’d taken two bites when the same man was suddenly standing over him. Link looked up to meet his eyes.

“It’s you,” the man said, an accusation in his tone.

“What?” Link asked. How did this man know him? Link tried to place him, but he was almost positive that he didn’t know him.

“You’re my nerd.” 

“I'm your what?”

The man sighed and sat down across from Link. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Sharpie. “You know, in the bathroom. We’ve been writing back and forth for a couple of weeks now.”

“Really?” Link's eyes widened as he realized what he had been told. He dug around in his own pocket and produced his pen, holding it up for the other man to see. “This is crazy. I never thought I’d get to find out who was on the other end of those messages.”

“I know,” the man said. “We probably never would have found out if I hadn’t forgotten my Sharpie and had to go back for it.”

Link smiled as he realized that the man was looking at him rather intently, his eyes moving slowly as he took him in. Link took the time to do the same. His wall buddy was really tall, with dark blond hair and a matching beard, green eyes and a sturdy build. He was actually pretty handsome, but Link pushed the thought from his mind. “What do you mean, your nerd?” he asked, trying to stay focused.

The other man shrugged, his cheeks flushing. “I thought someone so obsessed with hand washing had to be a huge nerd. And it doesn’t look like I was too far off the mark, Mr. Star Wars t-shirt.”

Link looked down at his shirt. It was camo with Star Wars written in pink. “Guess you’re right,” he admitted. “Do you really not wash your hands?”

The other man laughed heartily. “Nah, I was just playing with you, man. You were an easy target. Do you really get that bent out of shape at the thought of people not washing their hands?”

“I mean, it’s gross,” Link said, shrugging. He was sure his own cheeks were pink now.

“It is gross,” the man agreed. He held out a hand. “I’m Rhett, by the way. Don’t worry, I just washed my hands.”

Link shook it, pushing his doubts away. “I’m Link.”

“Nice to meet you, Link. Would you mind if I went and grabbed my food and then came back? I’d like to keep talking to you and I think it would be easier to talk like this than to keep writing to each other on the bathroom wall.”

“Sure,” Link said, chuckling. He wouldn’t mind talking to Rhett now that he knew he wasn’t as nasty as he had made himself seem. In fact, Rhett was nothing like the mental image he’d had of his wall buddy, and Link wasn’t complaining about that at all.

Maybe this would be the start of something good.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and thoughts are always welcome! Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
